But that’s mine

For the past 9 months I was back filling a maternity leave position at work. I was given the great opportunity for a temporary promotion into a position which I have fallen in love with.

Not only do I now have my own desk, but I get to work with one of my best friends every day. From always working shift work, having a Monday – Friday 7:00-15:00 job is such an eye opener. Weekends are now fun and I look forward to the ‘Friyay’ feeling.

I have been able to step up and show my manager what I can do. I have been able to improve processes and communication between my team and others along with ensuring that documentation is completed. I have proven that whilst under my ‘management’ our department hit an all time high since 2013.

Did I get a pat on the back or a well done? Unfortunately not, but I did get to feel proud. Proud of me and my colleague. Proud of the work we have done, the achievements we have gained and the respect we have earned from management.

Today my little bubble popped.

The lady I have been covering for came back today. She is now my manager and therefore has taken my little role. I have been demoted, and with that I feel deflated. If I picture how I look today, a sad little balloon who has lost its air, looking up at all the other balloons getting on with their happy little lives in the sky.

I now need to work on taking a step back. Not only from my role but my responsibilities. I have to take that step back from having a management hat on and sitting back down with the rest of the world and plodding on. Getting back into that production line and following orders.

This makes me sad.

Sad that I am no longer given praise for my work, but she will be. Sad that I no longer have tough decisions to make, but she does. Sad that I don’t get to call myself a manager, but she can.

All I want to do is send her an email, telling her that this role isn’t her, it’s me. But instead, I laugh at her jokes, I smile as she completely ignores me in emails, coo at her baby photos.

Maybe one day. One day I will find another position like the one I just gave up. One that will give me a sense of pride and happiness.

Until then, back to the life I once knew. One where I have a manager and dream of bigger things.

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